Bad Mommy Day

Surprise, surprise - it's happened again. I had a REALLY bad mommy day yesterday. One in which I was wishing that I was back to work. And in fact, had me questioning my very being and capabilities to actually be a mom. I yelled at the kids a lot yesterday, and actually had a headache from all of it. It WAS NOT a good day!

Lately, I have not been enjoying motherhood as much as I probably should be. My days consist of just "getting through" them - surviving really. I have gotten into the routine of cleaning, picking up, feeding and yelling at the kids - and let's not forget about getting on the computer. This is not how I envisioned my life and how I thought motherhood would be like. Is it just the ages of my children right now? Or is there something else very, very wrong with me? Are these feelings normal? Who knows.

I mean, yeah - I've had bad days before, but we've gotten through them. But I'm not happy, plain and simple. I haven't been happy. I haven't been doing projects with the kids, haven't been taking them to the park to just get away, I don't really know what the issue is. Do all moms go through this at one point or another? Going back to work is sounding really good right about now! And maybe I should, maybe I should get more serious about going back to work. I don't know.

And on top of all of this - Brad is working 7 days a week for 12 hours a day for at least the next 2 weeks or until whenever they get that job finished. And we're supposed to be going to Bellingham in 2 weeks. Nice! He just started this yesterday - and instead of working 12 hours, he ended up working 14 - so with the kids waking up earlier and earlier, it just makes for an excruciatingly long day! I know now I could never be a single mom. NEVER. I hope that it won't come to that. EVER.